religion matters sonneh
by KishaKKFanfic
Summary: some old dude said that hajime couldnt woeship da hope jesus and hinata cri before he meets HOPE JESUS OMG AAAAAAAAAAA [crack, trigger warning] next chapter: donald trump and world war 7
1. HOPE JESUS AAAAA

Author's note: This story is so insensitive... well, so my friend had a _great_ kdea to worship hope jesus (aka Nagito Komaeda) so this story happemed... enjoy?

"what religiom r u sonneh" some old dide asked that dude was his math teachef. "i wrship hope jesus tyvm" "get out of my class sonneh burn in hell"

that is how hajkme hinata got kicked out of high school. not because he was stupid kr got in trouble, but beczuse he worshipped the great and powerfil hope jesus.

"screw you old man" he souted as he ran away frlm the school and he cried lously and everyone could heaf him so they said "fuck you hinaya" and hinata was sad

hinata was cring before he asw hkm. it was hope jesus. "oh hpe jesus will you marry me" but jesus said no you're interuppting my hair dying session and hajime was confised. "r u dyeing it white ir old too wahhhhh" and jesus was slightly comfused before he made it rain and the hair dye wahed oit of his marshmellow hair. himata zaid "oh" and hugged hope jesus. "wtf hinata im dead here stahp"amd hinata looked up and was confused. how did he know my name? so hinata sked and jesus sakd "we were in the same class remember" and hinata sakd "nno" amd then hope jesus becan to cri

hope jusus ran waya until hinata found him "i found u" and jesus was happy and beagn to sing that ne happy song bu whoeva

(bold is hinata, regular is hope jesus)

"cause im happeh"

 **"what no jr crying"**

"clap alomg if u feel like a room w/o a roofeh

 **"jesus were outside wtf"**

"cuz im happeh"

"clap along if u feel if happimess is da truthhhhhh"

 **"r u high rn"**

"cuz im happeh"

 **"we fet it jr happu stfu"**

"clapp if j no what happiness is 2 u"

 **"i have crippling depression"**

hopejesus looked and saw hinata in a wheelchair "jole crap" and then fainted. hajime stole his id and saw dat his name was "JOHN CENAAAAAAAA DUNDUNDUNDUN" na it was nagito komaeda and jamile was happy for once and hugged a corpse bc jesus was dead and WAIT HOW THE FUCK DO DEAD PPL CECOME JSUS I WANNA BE JEUSS HELP MEH BECOME JESUS and the writer died and bdcame literal satan and sajd "oh yeah take that ko" and the writer has gone insane ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckWEREALLGONNADIEEEEEEEEEE

next chapter: hope jesus has an epic battle with satan


	2. BATMAN

so uhh jesus and satan had a battle. it was a very gr8 battle. so satan said "ill kill u" but jesus said "no" so satan cried in da crner of shame

after satan's timeout (5 min) satan took out a doge and stabbed hope with the doga and jesys died for a minute DOUBPE KILL and then satan stabbed jesus and sme kid shouted O BAHBY A TR1PL3 and everyine clapped bu hope jesus was already fead so h got up and said "wanna be friends" and satan agreed on one confition "wtf is it "i want a chiaki coaokau" and jesus agreed so satan turned into the zuth9r and she wre a chiaki cospkay and hugfed hinata

"im gay" hinats said zo she crid and left the room

"WAIT AUTHOR" "wat" "ISNT DIS ABOUT RELIGION" and den he cried

after that that old dud3 read 5he bible to the class and everyone was bored until BATMAN ENTERED TH R0OM AND SAID "JESUS IS HERE" and everyone was happy until batman kidnapped nagito and eberyone cried because hope jesus isnt the szme as bible jesus

nagit and hinata hugged gayly and kae serinuma smiled and said "omg its perfect" bc why the fuq not

next chapter: dealing with dat old dude


	3. trump and clinton

once upon a gime there was a boy named nagito koaed wo liked hope. one day, the ddued killedhimserg and no one cared, butnherliked hope so much that he became jesus

so anyways jesus sat down in front of the old dude and brought hinata with him. so uhh anyways then were in an office and they said "fuck u old man" and dat old dure cried so much thzt it refered the effects sof global warming and global warming was no more. then they left

2 days later...

"OY ,6 GOD HINATA THEY CARE ABOUTHOPW OMFG THATS AWESOME" nagitomwas so happy and was higging hinata and hinata culdnt breathe because jesus can suffocate ppl yeah.

so global warming ended and trump was kiked out of the military so everyone said "i wprship hope jesus now" and the old dude was theonly oje who was still a christian and everyone sorshipped hope jesus except trumop and clinton trump killed mexicans and clintiom committed death.

and now that hokary clintim 2as dead, everyone was happy, but then cried becajse trump was killing the mrxicahs and nagito was indeed a mexicaj so everyone was scard

later that day, the old dued became santa claus and gave everyone coal and world war 7 happened bc of that

it was a terrible time for jesus...


End file.
